"be the first, always. so when they ask, 'who is this girl?' 'Oh, she's the granddaughter of that old man on the hill'. *lights up cigarette. stay safe, and go up. don't look back, not even once"
those words ring in my ears, even to this day.
but pray tell me, what's the use?
you're not here! you're not here to see! you're not here with me!
i've gotten first so many times i lost count, but why? why aren't you here? why did you leave me? why??!!!
you may be up there, watching over, smiling to yourself. but i can't see you. i can't feel you. i can't hug you. i can't. do. anything. your smile, your warmth, you. yourself. that matters more than a thousand medals, a million certs.
7. what the heck could i have done at such an age? i know that Allah loves you more. but hey, i love you too! we all do! i still think of you! even to this very freaking day! so why?
god give me the strength. to uphold your legacy. to withstand the pressure. to just keep going strong. for your sake. my wish. every single day.
i thought growing up would make me stronger. that's what they say. that's the 'normality' and what the 'statistics' and the 'polls' and the 'charts' say.
so explain. why do tears still run down my cheeks? why do i still tremble? why do i still think of you? day and night. why?
let me tell you why. YOU. MATTERED. TOO. MUCH. i miss you. but there's nothing. i. can. do. about. it. Coz you're gone. and you're not coming back. Ever.
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